Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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