I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
