Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
