And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
