There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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