I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
