The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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