I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
