if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Even my vagina gasped.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
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