Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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