You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
