Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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