he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
