her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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