i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
