Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
birth control should be required to get into college
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
