I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize