sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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