We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
