I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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