I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize