didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
