My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
