yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
