I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
