please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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