that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
