my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
