I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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