I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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