well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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