I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
