her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
