I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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