the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
