Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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