I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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