she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize