YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
