thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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