woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
