I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
