My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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