yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
