Soap is not a condiment
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
