i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
