Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I haven't been this sober since birth.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
