I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
