Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
