my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
