WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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