i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize