if you like me you must not know who I am
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
