I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
