It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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