We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
