i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
