So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
