Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
