last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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