Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
