she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We need a shit load of segways right now
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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