I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
