Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Randomize
